and it's over...

Yep. Unfortunately this round of IVF was unsuccessful. 1st round failure.

We had a good cry, hugged for awhile, and now will figure out the next plan of action.

Thank you to everyone for the love & support.

Deja yep!

So I've been here...sleepless, restless, full of anxiety.

Except the difference is- this time it's really real.

The numbers tomorrow mean yep or nope.

Or as I have dubbed it-
Sushi and Wine dinner or Chicken Fried and Tater dinner.

It's weird though, I'm not nearly AS anxious. Don't get me wrong, I'm pacing the floor, but I'm not about to snap.

I think I'm also just SOOOO ready to know. Seriously.

Think positive, think HIGH beta, thinks good veins for the blood draw (ouch!)

Love to you all and I appreciate every single txt, call, etc!!!

to POAS or not to POAS...

I bought them.

They are in my drawer.

I haven't really decided yet though if I am going to use.

Beta test- Friday which will be 12dp5dt.

sorry- 12 days past 5 day transfer

or 17 days past ovulation...

Sigh...

Thinking...

Sitting here, 11pm and thinking that in the morning it will have been one week since the transfer... Crazy.

I've read some message boards, tried to find symptoms, blah blah. Honestly, I know that we're in a "it is what it is" situation, but whew, it's hard.

Had a total meltdown last night. Yep. Couldn't relax. Started shaking and then bam, unrelenting tears. Sobs that made my shoulders shake. My hubby was as always, amazing. Telling me to talk through it, scratching my back, repeating over and over how much he loves me.

Man, I was freaking out. It all comes down to this one moment and no matter what there is nothing I can do to affect the outcome.

I just want to know. Seriously.
I'm not this patient.

My mom says its a test for me to learn patience.

Well, I fail.

Waaaaaaaiiiiiiittttttiiiiingggg is the hardest part...

Seriously.

I want to cheat and POAS.

I'm not going to, don't worry.

I just want to know.

Yes. No. Whatever. So I can plan.

Anyhow.

Need to find some more keep my mind busy stuff.

How am I feeling you ask???

I'm going OUT of my f'in mind wondering what if, what if, what if...

I'm feeling dull cramps & get very hot very easily.

I've read that progesterone mimics pregnancy so I'm having all these symptoms, including having to pee every hour. No joke. Man.

I'm scared to be too positive and trying to remain neutral.

This is such a mind f***.