Thinking...

Sitting here, 11pm and thinking that in the morning it will have been one week since the transfer... Crazy.

I've read some message boards, tried to find symptoms, blah blah. Honestly, I know that we're in a "it is what it is" situation, but whew, it's hard.

Had a total meltdown last night. Yep. Couldn't relax. Started shaking and then bam, unrelenting tears. Sobs that made my shoulders shake. My hubby was as always, amazing. Telling me to talk through it, scratching my back, repeating over and over how much he loves me.

Man, I was freaking out. It all comes down to this one moment and no matter what there is nothing I can do to affect the outcome.

I just want to know. Seriously.
I'm not this patient.

My mom says its a test for me to learn patience.

Well, I fail.

Waaaaaaaiiiiiiittttttiiiiingggg is the hardest part...

Seriously.

I want to cheat and POAS.

I'm not going to, don't worry.

I just want to know.

Yes. No. Whatever. So I can plan.

Anyhow.

Need to find some more keep my mind busy stuff.

How am I feeling you ask???

I'm going OUT of my f'in mind wondering what if, what if, what if...

I'm feeling dull cramps & get very hot very easily.

I've read that progesterone mimics pregnancy so I'm having all these symptoms, including having to pee every hour. No joke. Man.

I'm scared to be too positive and trying to remain neutral.

This is such a mind f***.

this is what is "in my heart I hope" brewing...

this is what happens in a 5dt :

-1dpt ..embryo is growing and developing

0dpt... Embryo is now a blastocyst

1dpt....Blastocyst hatches out of shell on this day

2dpt.. Blastocyst attaches to a site on the uterine lining

3dpt.. Implantation begins,as the blastocyst begins to bury in the lining

4dpt.. Implantation process continues and morula buries deeper in the lining

5dpt.. Morula is completely inmplanted in the lining and has placenta cells & 

fetal cells

6dpt...Placenta cells begin to secret HCG in the blood

7dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops 

8dpt...More HCG is produced as fetus develops 

9dpt...HCG levels are now high enough to be immediately detected on 

HPT

and currently we are 2dpt...

can't say it enough...

What would I do without my "support" structure?

I mean seriously, I have the BEST husband ever, the most loving family and damn, my friends ROCK!

I know that if things turn out as planned, this bebe(s???) is gonna be loving life!!

Some of the best moments are the texts I receive from above folks...
Some sweet and some that crack me up, which is so needed...

some examples-

my dad when we told him about the exact retrieval date:

my friend Richelle when I was headed into transfer:

my mom being, well, a mom:

and then the one from my hubby this morning which gave me goosebumps, eeeeek:

and there are SO many more... I LOVE IT!! 

I love my friend Ro who says she is dreaming in multiples, I love my bestie for sending me flowers,  I love my friend Erika who checks on me, asks questions and is ALWAYS there, I love my sis in law Linda who is also making sure Lee is doing well.... yep, it's awesome.

I could not imagine doing this without all of them.

Meet the "Embryos!"

C'mon and snuggle on in... :)